Family Planning Journey & Infertility | 5 Tips On Advocating For Yourself
The journey through pregnancy is filled with ups and downs, countless decisions, and hours upon hours of research in preparation for one of the most life changing days one could ever experience. With so many resources out there designed to help make this journey as seamless as possible, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. That’s why it’s important to really listen to yourself and what you need to find the resources and support system that best fits your situation.
For me, that resource was a doula. I had some relatives that mentioned hiring one and a circle of friends who have used one, so it was always something on my radar. I started my research and interviews on doulas and midwives before I even got pregnant. Historically for black women, we don’t always get the care we need or if we do, it’s filled with gaps, which is why I knew up front I needed an advocate. I needed someone who could assist me in filtering through doctors’ recommendations and make sure I was in control of my birth choices.
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My husband and I made the decision to have a birth doula who would debrief me after appointments and support me in thinking through and creating my birth plan all the way up until my due date. I had advocated for my doula to be present at birth but due to COVID-19 restrictions, she wasn’t permitted. Because of how supportive my birth doula was pre-pregnancy, after much discussion, we decided to hire a postpartum doula vedoula.com/doula-servicesas well. My postpartum doula came during the day to help us with the baby, guided me through breast feeding, and assisted with cooking and cleaning. More importantly, my doula reinforced what I was doing for my baby was enough, and that I was enough for her. This small message was extremely helpful, especially as a first-time mom. Otherwise, I don’t think I would’ve had the confidence to get through that stage in my parenting journey. I’m very thankful for her and the close relationship we have built and still consider her part of our family.
During this whole process, there were so many moving parts – from my own experience with pregnancy there was the task of choosing a provider, a doula near me, and navigating the journey through parenthood afterwards. I had to advocate at every stage, with both my reproductive endocrinologist and with my OB-GYN. My employer had a fertility benefit at the time and thankfully I didn’t have to spell out why it was needed. I did, however, have to work hard to ask each of my doctors to take a step back and really listen to my concerns and questions. Every patient is a person, a human. Each human comes with their own set of fears and experiences. As a black woman, I often felt dismissed, especially if I had to see a doctor that I didn’t typically have visits with. I remember when I was initially searching for an infertility diagnosis, the doctor questioned how well I knew my own body when he asked, “How do you know you are ovulating?”. This was in response to me explaining how my body was behaving during and after ovulation and that I wasn’t getting pregnant even with the help of timed intercourse. It is exhausting to have to advocate for yourself at every turn and it takes hours of research and work to get right.
Here are five tips on advocating for yourself during your family planning journey when faced with infertility:
Learn as much as possible – Find reputable sources from clinics, take advantage of books about infertility, and listen to podcasts that highlight other people’s journeys to make you feel less alone.
Share your story, if you’re willing – Infertility is more common than you think. There’s a good chance you might know someone who has been in a similar situation. You might find comfort in talking to someone who understands your experience
Find the right provider (s) – Do research and be open, honest, and vocal with your doctor. Consider the help of a doula that could be there to listen and walk you through this journey all the way to the end of having a baby in hands.
Find your comfort zone at work - Sharing your experiences with colleagues and/or your benefits team can be a great way to advocate for what you (and others) need. It shouldn't feel embarrassing to do so!
Look into your company’s fertility coverage - Your employer may provide some sort of benefit for fertility treatment. If you aren’t comfortable asking your boss or HR lead, call your insurance carrier directly to ask. 65% of employers offering fertility coverage did so because an employee asked for it.
At Progyny, we know that people should have the resources they need throughout their path to parenthood, including prenatal support, labor support, and postpartum. Doula services like One Love, and fertility and family building benefits like Progyny are just two examples of the types of support available which ensure that everyone can fulfill their dreams of having a family safely. Throughout this journey it’s important to advocate for yourself so that you’re prepared, regardless of the path to parenthood you choose.
In our rapidly changing environment, there is no time like the present to be the change you want to see at your organization. We are acutely aware of the importance of family, and everyone should have access to the support they need to have one. Whether it’s doula services or comprehensive fertility and family building benefits, this is your chance to be your own advocate and bring change to your organization. Both Progyny and One Love want to make sure you can learn the key aspects of starting a conversation and utilize the resources we have available for additional education, information, and support.
About the author:
Delaine Williams is a Director of Business Development at Progyny, where she advocates for organizations to build equitable and inclusive fertility benefits. Diagnosed with infertility in 2017, she is passionate about achieving Health Equity, with a focus on black maternal and reproductive health. Delaine resides in Tampa Florida with her husband Michael and their daughter Nandi, who was conceived via IVF after a three-year journey with infertility. They are now expecting baby number two!
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