You're Not Alone In Motherhood | Let’s Talk About Friends
Like Motherhood and marriage, friendships are constantly evolving. It can begin to feel impossible to find time to nurture all of the important relationships in your life, while still finding time to care for your little ones or to decompress alone. On a recent episode of The Motherhood Kit (a podcast dedicated to elevating your Motherhood experience), Yamel is joined by friendship expert and educator Danielle Bayard Jackson to chat about the importance of relationships in motherhood, how to maintain them, and how to form new ones.
Keeping friendships alive after you become this new version of yourself- a Mother, can have its challenges but The Friendship Expert is here to remind us it is not as difficult as we may think it is.
Three tips for maintaining friendships in Motherhood
Reframe What Friendships Look Like
Friendships may begin to look different as responsibilities grow, and being honest about your capacity and intention to maintain the friendship can go a long way. Explicitly saying out loud that their friendship is valued can reinforce the connection, despite the lack of availability to hang out. Try initiating a friendship ritual – something that both friends agree to do regularly like a phone call every Friday morning. A friendship ritual helps to get rid of the mental labor of coordinating the hangout and allows each person to feel more relaxed in the friendship. Plus, every mommy could use one less thing to worry about planning.
No One Has It All Together
Feelings of jealousy or resentment can creep up when we see other women who are taking time for themselves or have a level of ease that feels inaccessible. And this issue may need to be a matter of conversation with your partner, support group, or community if that’s available. But most importantly, this goes back to not having to glamourize every hangout, and allowing oneself to be vulnerable in friendships. It’s necessary to do the inner work to engage in an honest manner with the support network and friendships and ask for help. It is okay that the house isn’t spotless.
This last tip is a bonus because we also know there are some of you trying to make new friends.
How to Make New Friends
Making new friends is different from meeting new people (which is still a good thing!). New friends involve the art of cultivating something meaningful with another person. And this process doesn’t always have to start from scratch. Look back into the archive of friendships that fell by the wayside or connections that haven’t been fully nurtured in that way and reach out. Recognize that there are opportunities to make friends everywhere, and remain flexible in what that friendship may look like. Don’t overlook opportunities at mommy groups, parks, or even the pickup line. Use those super-connector friends for introductions (the ones who are known everywhere they go) or become a regular somewhere! Make your needs known, so that they can be met.
Listen to the entire episode here:
There are mountains of research about the impact of having a social network on physical, emotional, and mental health. Taking the space you need to be the best person you can be through friendship connections has a wholesome effect on the entire house. Reflect on some personal relationships in your life, and as a little piece of homework, send a text to one of your mommy friends and share a little love.
Bottom line: Stay true to yourself and Motherhood, but don’t feel guilty about wanting to maintain some of your identity. Whether moments with friends involve the entire family or a “girl’s only”, mommy-getaway; being an example of prioritizing healthy relationships with other women is necessary for the entire household. Modeling the behavior and seasons of friendship for your kids can be a helpful tool when they’re inevitably faced with the task of making friends of their own or handling conflict. Through a mother’s friendships, kids can see what it looks like to be a great friend, reconcile, laugh with, and support others.
You may be thinking, “Where can I find a doula near me?” We provide Tampa & Miami doula support, childbirth education, placenta encapsulation, postpartum doula care, specialized lactation support by our CLC’s and IBCLC’s and birth photography for:
Tampa, St Petersburg
Land O’ Lakes
Lakeland
Plant City
Downtown Tampa
… and more!
Virtual services also available, let’s plan for your amazing birth and postpartum journey.
All with,